Thursday, March 7, 2013

You Might Be A False Teacher If...

1. You might be a false teacher if your website is not blocked by the Chinese government.

2. You might be a false teacher if you think choosing the base model demonstrates modesty and good stewardship every time you purchase a private jet.

3. You might be a false teacher if your last name is also a monetary currency.

4. You might be a false teacher if you think having a Bible Mantra is an alternative to reading it.

5. You might be a false teacher if Oprah invites you onto her show.

6. You are a false teacher if you appear on Oprah's show and she never objects to anything you say.

7. You might be a false teacher if you don't know what an elephant looks like.

8. You might be a false teacher if Brian McLaren endorsed your book.

9. You might be a false teacher if you think you are the one who has finally figured out what the Apostle Paul was on about.

10. You might be a false teacher if you think tithing puts Satan in a cage.

11. You might be a false teacher if you think "Thou shalt not criticize" is the 11th Commandment.

12. You might be a false teacher if you think "Thou shalt tithe" is the 12th Commandment.

13. You might be a false teacher if you think that when Jesus said, "On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets," He was referring to the 11th and 12th Commandments.

14. You might be a false teacher if Barack Obama finds your spiritual advice to be helpful.

15. You might be a false teacher if you think firing an elder is a form of church discipline.

16. You might be a false teacher if you believe it is the sheep's job to protect the shepherd.

17. You might be a false teacher if you wear a suit when you're in the White House and an Hawaiian shirt when you're in the Lord's House.

18. You might be a false teacher if you agree with Rob Bell about anything.

19. You might be a false teacher if you use the Council of Trent to defend your theological position.

20. You might be a false teacher if you think that Herman Newtix is the guy who keeps telling John MacArthur to be mean to Charismatics.

21. You might be a false teacher if you think that "The Message" is a Bible translation.

22. You might be a false teacher if you think the Bible is subject to your editorial process.

23. You might be a false teacher if you think that the Reformation was a speed bump on the highway of church history.

24. You might be a false teacher if you think church history refers to the different phases of your building project.

25. You might be a false teacher if the promise of the forgiveness of sins found in Jesus Christ underwhelms you.